Thursday, 30 December 2010

Das re-boot

I had read with interest that Hollywood has decided to cast it's re-boot eye over one of my favourite films- Total Recall

Total Recall

I don't think that this is a very good idea. There are some films that deserve to be remade, and there are others that should be left alone. Total Recall is one. I mean can you really see Colin Farrell pulling of the line 'see you at the party Richter' with as much panache as Arnie? I think not. Plus I'd be worried they'd use CGI to represent the holy trinity.

 Total Recall

This also got me thinking about the entire 're-boot' theory and what is, and isn't a re-boot. For example Batman Begins is classed as a reboot, but I don't think this is the case. It's telling a story that up to that point hadn't been told in celluloid, the origin of Batman. The Dark Knight could be classed as a re-boot as this re-tells Batman's battle with the Joker. Other notables are Superman Returns, classed as a reboot, but it isn't really. It's a continuation of a story, just a while after the last film was made.

War of the Worlds is a reboot, and it's bad. Bad Lieutenant with Nicholas Cage is a reboot, and it's bad. Psycho was rebooted, result, bad. Planet of the Apes, very poor. Clash of the titans, get fucked Worthington and co. The Wolfman, how did they mess this up? The Karate Kid, a feature length version of the musical seen in Phoenix Nights would have been better. I can't see Russell Brand's attempt at Arthur being any good either.

So if we define a re-boot as a re-telling of the same story already committed to film then we can see the track record is not great. Generally this is because the original films were perfectly good and seeing Tom Cruise butt fuck all your favourite dialogue is not what audiences want. The success of Batman should not hide the deficiency of the long line of poor re-boots.

Having said all of that there are some films that deserve the re-boot treatment, and I've knocked together a list-

Sweeny Todd- This had all the ingredients of a fairly good film. It had a good director, a good cast, and a pretty gruesome story to base it on. Somewhere along the line though someone decided it should remain a musical, but not only a musical, a boring one. Remake this without the singing and instantly you've got a better film.

Knowing- I don't know much, but what I do know is that this film is a big bag of wank. It needs to make it's mind up. Either be a conspiracy, or a natural disaster, or an alien film. Don't be all three, badly.

Alien vs. Predator (any of them)- These films have been woeful. For a sci-fi fan it's such a great premise, but somehow everyone that's touched it has turned it to shit.

Moulin Rouge- Scrap the original concept, the songs, and the setting. Nicole Kidman can still die, but otherwise add some guns and change it from musical to a taught political action film where Daniel Craig needs to take down a dangerous terrorist outfit operating under the name 'Moulin Rouge'. I'm not saying it'll be good, but it'll be better than the original.

Street fighter- The original attempt does deserve a nod of appreciation for being so shit it's kind of good, but it was still pretty bad. I think the problem with attempts to breathe live into this one is that people overcomplicate it. Forget realism, forget too much plot, just stick to a bit of fighting with a load of pyrotechnics chucked in.

The Invention of Lying- make it funny.

So to summarise, Hollywood can go a remake any film it likes, as long as that film was originally shit. Messing with the good stuff just isn't on. Look at what Lucas did with Star Wars and Indy. He just couldn't leave it alone.

What would be on the your list of films to protect from these money grabbing bastards? I've started one, feel free to suggest more-

-Any Arnie action film
-Back to the future
-Mad Max
-Tango & Cash
-Beverley Hills Cop
-Naked Gun
-Lethal Weapon
-Young Guns


  1. I've just noticed on IGN that remakes of Conan and The Thing are out this year.


  2. Die hard I believe falls into the re-boot idea, another film where a fourth loses the plot of the first genuine three decent films.


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