Thursday, 20 January 2011

Dig up stupid

Several years ago I found myself on a beach in Newquay. It was a typical English summer, heavily overcast, a good chance of rain, and the sea was so cold hypothermia and disappearing testicles were a racing certainty.

I was on this beach with seven lads I'd met at university, and one girl, poor lass. Still she didn't seem to mind too much. After doing the required ten second dip in the sea, whilst shivering, we had to think of a way to spend the rest of the day on the beach without resorting to drink too early.

I don't know why, or what thoughts went through my head, but I picked up a frisbee and started to use it as a digging implement. A couple of the chaps joined in using a cricket stump, and whatever else was to hand. After quite a while the hole was quite large.

As we were continuing our construction a some what concerned mother asked us what we were doing. The answer that came out was that we were 'building a hole'. Not digging, but building.

Here now comes the point of this post. Were we correct in saying 'building'? Grammatically I admit it is incorrect. However this hole was so large that the undertaking took on spiritual undertones for all involved. Ask anyone involved what they did on that holiday and their eyes will mist up as they mutter 'built a hole'.

Here's why we 'built' it-

  • Digging doesn't give enough justice to the effort. To dig just doesn't go far enough to describe the activity. To build suggests there was a plan and design to the hole.
  • It was admired by all who surveyed it (mostly little kids), much like a piece of classical architecture.
  • It could be seen from space, or at least the Walkabout pub on top of the cliff, much like the Great Wall of China (this can't be seen from the Walkabout).
  • It almost caught a criminal. During the afternoon whilst surveying the hole from the pub, a drunken roustabout was being chased by two coppers on the beach in a Benny Hill-esque fashion. I say 'almost caught' as although he ran near the hole, he didn't fall in.
  • Later that night it was used as a makeshift nightclub by some late night revellers, possibly some other activities as well....

The shared memories that this hole created, from the massive rock we had to excavate from it, to the little shit that tried to take it from us whilst we were in the pub, deserve to be remembered with more reverence than a hole that was simply 'dug', this hole was built.

Finally I'd like to include a point that lowers the tone somewhat. As you can imagine, apart from the sole girl this was essentially a lads holiday. Highly sexist sexual activity was discussed at most opportunities such as donkey punching and other nefarious activities. As typical of our group talking was the mainstay of the activity as most of the time we were all too pissed to do anything else.

On one such drinking binges after the hole building one of the lads who had not been involved named it a 'one man rape hole'. Boys being boys we all chuckled heartily at this inappropriate yet amusing name. Now I look back at it though what's worrying is that by implication this chap may have seen larger 'rape holes' if such a thing exists. I'd look it up on google, but for once I'm scared of the results I'd get.

What do you think, can a hole be built? I think I'm onto a loser, but feel free to let me know what you think....

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