Friday, 14 January 2011

Robocop vs. Terminator

Never before has such an obvious match been ignored by the entertainment industry (games excluded which I'll come to later). Maybe it's because when you think about it, there's only one horse to back on this one.

I've discussed this many a time in the pub, and always come to the same conclusion. In fact at times I've found it difficult to find someone to oppose my drunken arguments so watertight is my lager fuelled debating position.

Before going into who I think would walk away with the title I've prepared a, now standard feature, spreadsheet weighing up the relevant parties strengths and weaknesses-



I may have missed the odd one (feel free to suggest more), but I feel a few are worthy of greater discussion-


USB fist dagger- muchos kudo for this. Not only a handy data storage device, but also a lethal weapon for when things get down and dirty. Terminator doesn't have anything quite this cool. He does have a pretty strong punch though as proved by the quick cameo from Bill Paxton and the guy that played Shao Kahn in Mortal Kombat 2.

One-liners- close call on this one. There's Robo's 'Dead or alive your coming with me', to Terminator's 'I'll be back'. Given the plethora rolled out in Terminator 2, the terminator takes this one. There was even a one-liner toy.

HUD- Both the Terminator and Robocop have heads up displays, but in my opinion Terminator's is clearly superior. Both have advanced targetting, although Robo's is screwed once his visor is gone, and both have pretty cool analytic tools. The real winner however is when in a scene from the first terminator film the following happens-



Not only does it give him several options of an answer, but the cpu picks the sweariest and most insulting. Bravo sir, bravo.

And finally one that came up out of no where whilst I was thinking about this. Stick with me here....

Robocop has a human, male brain.
Robocop has human male thoughts (including about his wife).

We all know where I'm going....

Robocop has no wang.

The poor bastard, surely that's hell. I'm surprised he's not topped himself.

So with that I'm going to go with Terminator. I think the human brain is what will cause Robocop's downfall. I think he'll put up a good fight, but I think once the Terminator's close enough he'll punch through his face and fuck up his brain. Game over.

I should also point out that this has been enacted in computer game. It wasn't a great game, and to be honest I think the publishers were just looking for a bad guy rather than a toe to toe ding dong. Still the plot was pretty funny.










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