Friday, 14 January 2011

Robocop vs. Terminator

Never before has such an obvious match been ignored by the entertainment industry (games excluded which I'll come to later). Maybe it's because when you think about it, there's only one horse to back on this one.

I've discussed this many a time in the pub, and always come to the same conclusion. In fact at times I've found it difficult to find someone to oppose my drunken arguments so watertight is my lager fuelled debating position.

Before going into who I think would walk away with the title I've prepared a, now standard feature, spreadsheet weighing up the relevant parties strengths and weaknesses-



I may have missed the odd one (feel free to suggest more), but I feel a few are worthy of greater discussion-


USB fist dagger- muchos kudo for this. Not only a handy data storage device, but also a lethal weapon for when things get down and dirty. Terminator doesn't have anything quite this cool. He does have a pretty strong punch though as proved by the quick cameo from Bill Paxton and the guy that played Shao Kahn in Mortal Kombat 2.

One-liners- close call on this one. There's Robo's 'Dead or alive your coming with me', to Terminator's 'I'll be back'. Given the plethora rolled out in Terminator 2, the terminator takes this one. There was even a one-liner toy.

HUD- Both the Terminator and Robocop have heads up displays, but in my opinion Terminator's is clearly superior. Both have advanced targetting, although Robo's is screwed once his visor is gone, and both have pretty cool analytic tools. The real winner however is when in a scene from the first terminator film the following happens-



Not only does it give him several options of an answer, but the cpu picks the sweariest and most insulting. Bravo sir, bravo.

And finally one that came up out of no where whilst I was thinking about this. Stick with me here....

Robocop has a human, male brain.
Robocop has human male thoughts (including about his wife).

We all know where I'm going....

Robocop has no wang.

The poor bastard, surely that's hell. I'm surprised he's not topped himself.

So with that I'm going to go with Terminator. I think the human brain is what will cause Robocop's downfall. I think he'll put up a good fight, but I think once the Terminator's close enough he'll punch through his face and fuck up his brain. Game over.

I should also point out that this has been enacted in computer game. It wasn't a great game, and to be honest I think the publishers were just looking for a bad guy rather than a toe to toe ding dong. Still the plot was pretty funny.










3 comments:

  1. Dude,
    Completely with you on Terminator winning.

    Even before they get to a fight, Robocop needs food, without - Weak. Terminator don't he a fully fledged robot.

    and doesn't robocop also need sleep??? The human brain and human in-nards screw him.


    I don't think this is a fair fight at all.

    However in Robocops favor, he can pussy out and and fly away.

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  2. Glad your in agreement.

    To add to the debate here's an abridged version of an email debate that's just started-

    Doug:

    Enjoyed the new entry but thought there's some additions you could have:

    Robocop

    The add-ons - rocket launcher/jet pack
    Sharper with a gun

    Terminator

    Can run! (rc can't)

    Also, I was pretty stoned the other night watching rc 2 and I got to thinking... Is the exposed part of rc's face reinforced in anyway? If he took a direct shot to the jaw or teeth and it was all bone he'd look a fucking disgrace.

    Now, when it comes down to it-we've discussed this before I think-I'm not 100% on t's strength vs. Robocop. There seems to be a sliding scale in the films-t1 no real grappling/crushing. T2-a couple of tussles, nothing too taxing. T3-all out ridiculous toilet war. Which are we to believe? Pound for pound I reckon as the heavier set off the two (highlighted in his slow speed) robocop is the stronger. I guess we'll never know though.... Haha

    Me:

    I like your points. It was a tough one as there was so much. I did leave the rocket launcher/jet pack out as these were additions featured in later films. The running was a tough one as quite rightly RC can't for shit. Looking at the films the terminators only seem able to run when they have skin and stuff. I don't think I've ever seen the exo-skeleton version run.

    Agreed on the face. I think it must be reinforced, but we do know he has a (trimmed) down human digestive system, so as long as the Terminator could get into his mouth he'd be fucked.

    I think they both have similar crushing strength (i think both crushed guns), but RC seems to have a higher density. I think his lack of agility would work against him, and pre-discussed weak points.

    Doug:

    Aye, the skin/exoskeleton is def a discrepancy. Is that down to a lack of technology though in the filmmaking process? If they went back and did some prequels, a la Lucas arts, not only could they bastardise the series but the could do things they wanted to originally. In T3 the exoskeletons def move a bit smoother. Can't really remember what they are like in salvation but that film kind of backs this theory-style over substance, particularly with the new machines.

    As for robo and his moosh-it's safe to assume he has a brain in there (Cain has one) and that he's got some kind of digestive system (how does he shit/expel the waste btw?!?) but the jaw/ teeth has always concerned me. Not sure what you're implying about the getting into robos mouth though-some sort of homoerotic undertone?!? Terminators with skin superior in every way and hung like baboons!

    I guess another factor for the debate would be technology. Was robocop set in the present (80s)? The technology in terminator would be much more advanced (hence the different types of terminator) and the obvious future references, so I guess this should count in the terminators favour.

    Me:

    Yep I agree on this. I hope they don't go back, but I think we would have seen a very different Terminator had they had the technology. I think it might have lost some of it's charm though!

    I'd imagine RC has some sort of 'exhaust pipe', although I'm sure I remember one of the scientists saying there was minimum waste. Maybe he throws it back up...

    They do say that the Terminators are anatomically correct. Maybe they should have tried seducing Sarah Connor, I'd imagine the future technology piston power would have ground her pelvis to dust.

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  3. Excellent blog Shaneo, although I do think that this comparison is slightly unfair to begin with. Robocop was an OCP prototype whereas the T800 was a relatively advanced model in the Cyberdyne catalogue. It's a bit like comparing a Sega MasterSystem with a Playstation 3.


    However, as Robocop proved himself to be somewhat 'future-proof' in tackling ED-209, Cain and that crazy japanese sword wielding robot, I'd like to think that he could put up a good fight all the same.

    In terms of 'like-for-like' it would be more appropriate to compare the ED-209 with the T-1 (both being first line products with mini gun attachments). Although, for me, this battle has a clear victor as the T-1's caterpillar tracks would probably help it avoid the whole unsteady surface issue that ultimately proved to be the downfall (mind the pun) of a poorly designed ED-209.


    Possible topic for further debate:

    Rambo vs Dutch from Predator - i've always wondered about this one. I'll admit that i've always favoured Rambo, as his jungle warfare combat skills are truly second to none, not to mention his success in pretty much single handedly taking on half the Burmese Army, the Russians, the Vietcong and Brian Dennehy.

    However much kudos must be given to Dutch for successfully defeating an invisible, future-weapon toting Rasta alien with nowt more than a few sharpened sticks and an ingenious use of mud.

    Keep it coming Shaneo!

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