Sunday, 12 June 2011

Products that really should exist

Having watched a lot of twaddle over the tenure of my life, and having played far too many games, it's fair to say I've been influenced somewhat. As most people have I've noticed a lot of 'faux' products that are so cool they should probably exist.

You can probably see where this is's my list (not definitive) of some of the best fictional brands and products that really should exist-

Duff/Fudd Beer

The staple beer of Springfield and Shelbyville respectively. They are also each others main rival. The beers have a passionate following but the key selling point is Duffman. A brand sponsor of astronomical proportions. Regardless of the taste, I'd drink it just for this guy. As yet there is no 'Fudd Man'.


Sprunk is the soft drink of choice in the world of Grand Theft Auto. It's a lemon/lime sensation that apparently is 'the essence of life'. The clever connotative word play is enough to convince me that a brand this honest needs to exist. How can we forget the extra large Tango cans-


Who wouldn't want to spend the evening nuking their family members? Get them before they get you.


Mooby is what Disney and McDonald's wished they could be if they combined their mighty forces. It's an example of brand power when an innocent idea is turned into a money churning juggernaut and destroyer of free will. That's a little sanctimonious though. It's also quite a funny idea that a golden calf could become a idol of worship. I'm sure I read about that somewhere else....

Cheesy poofs

There's a lot of good to come from South Park, and Cheesy Poofs is deserved of it's place as one of those things. Although Cartman's blend of homophobia, xenophobia, and anti-semetism may not be traits you'd want in a poster boy, the brand song is a perfect example of simple marketing. If we didn't love cheesy poofs we'd be lame.


Ok, they will probably need some type of licensing for this. It wouldn't take long for some American nut job to spoil it for us all by killing their class mates.

Stay Puft marshmallows

You know what? They now do these! Trouble is you can only get them in the US or Canada. So close, yet so far.


For too long has the skateboard held priority on the pavement. I mean, really, it's the 21st century. We can put a man on the moon, but we can't keep a man 3 inches above the ground for a prolonged period of time? It's time the human race sorted its priorities.

Soul Glo

You is one greasy mother.

Cluckin' Bell

Another from the world of GTA, and again it's the play on words and honesty that gets them inclusion. We all know that KFC is shit, Cluckin' Bell just doesn't deny it!


GTA weighs in again with the kind of honesty that's as refreshing as the beer itself. When your posters are like this-

you know you're onto a winner.

1 comment:

  1. Stop the press- Someone has actually read the blog and informs me that Duff beer is available for purchase:

    No word on Fudd yet though....


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