Saturday, 30 July 2011

Summer Traditions- The Stag Do

Another blog in my series of summer traditions following cricket and weddings, it's time to tackle the stag do.

Although not strictly the preserve of summer, they do seem to occur more frequently during the summer months. So drawing from my own experiences here's a run down of the required elements-

Bonding Activity- This is a chance for the 'stags' to get to know each other. A level of 'banter' will naturally be reached and essentially it should be something used to keep people of the booze for a couple of hours. It will ensure that everyone gets through to the evening ready to get properly bladdered.

Acceptable activities are-

Driving something
Firing some kind of projectile
Sport

Anything that's competitive can help with banter later in the evening.

Unacceptable activities are-

Alcohol tasting
Boat trips
Anything where you don't do much

If an activity doesn't stop you drinking, sometimes it encourages it. This will only lead to problems later on.

Food-

An essential. Eating is cheating is not applicable on a stag do. Filling the stomach is key. Ideally one sitting is best giving everyone the opportunity to gorge. Filling up after a couple of beers will extend the evening and allow everyone the chance of lasting the night.

Acceptable foods-

Meat products
Bread products

Unacceptable foods-

Fruit
Vegetables

Drinks-

An integral part of the stag do. Normally it starts sensibly with everyone on lager, and ends in chaos with everyone on shots and possibly recreational drugs (especially if you've gone to Amsterdam).

There are two accepted methods of buying booze on a stag do. The first tends to occur on stag do's that are based domestically, the whip. Nice and easy, everyone chucks in a score and drinks are purchased until the whip runs dry. Then you go round again. The whip tends to run out quicker as the night goes on as more elaborate drinks are purchased.



The other method tends to occur on stag do's abroad. People form groups as they buy rounds. The difference is that when abroad, regardless of the exchange rate, everyone thinks they are spending money from the bank of toyland. At the bar, with a queue forming behind them, men spend crumpled notes thinking it's worthless bumwad. This is usually why men returning from foreign do's are broken, and broke.



Strippers-

My wife will more than likely read this, so i'll deal with it in an honest a forthright manner.



Strippers can be used for a variety of uses from cleaning paint brushers, thinning paint, and getting stubborn stains from masonry.

Pardon, other strippers? I don't know what you mean. They're women that do what?! I don't believe you, that doesn't happen any more does it? I'm genuinely stunned.

Entertaining stories-

These are tales that are usually only shared between the participants of the stag. They range from people sleeping in hallways, sometimes naked, to telling your friends that when drunk they resemble sex pests.



And remember should you ever have to open your hotel room door to, a naked, father of the groom at four in the morning consider it character building, rather than scarring.

Accommodation-

To be honest this doesn't really factor that high, if you can sleep, you've done well. The key is not to go to sleep first. Going to sleep first will open you up to all sorts of abuse.

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The Wedding-

Phew, you made it. At the wedding the golden rule is that what happened on the stag, stays on the stag. Sensitive conversation should only be initiated by the groom, or in safe circumstances.

Unsafe-

Safe-
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