Shopping Centres-
Unholy out of town shrines to commerce. Everything about them is designed to confuse. No matter how simple the layout may appear to be, the chances of getting lost are close to 100%. This is only applicable to men. Women possess some form of in built radar that allows them to navigate shopping centres at will.
Parking-
The amount of parking available at shopping centres usually outweighs the interior space used for shopping. Despite this finding a space during peak periods is a deeply stressful and harrowing experience. Even at the furthest recesses of the car park, you are unlikely to find a space.
Instead you are left to aimlessly drive around at 5mph, becoming increasingly angry at just missing the next space.
Usually your good lady friend will ease this pain by repeating the phrase 'there's one' before realising that it's filled with a new fangled 'micro' car.
Crowds-
Random stoppers, dawdlers, out of control toddlers, window shoppers, gaggles of youths, and kamikaze mothers. All hazards hidden within the sprawling organic mass that is the shopping crowd.
All of the above can bring a man to his knees in despair.
Shop Assistants-
There are two types of shop assistant.
1. Overly helpful life story teller who instantly insists on touching you in over familiar ways.
2. Snooty fashionista's who wonder why the hell you even think any of the stock in their store is vaguely suitable for you.
Price Comparison-
With so many stores selling near identical tat it has now become necessary to traipse to each pap peddler to find the lowest price, or greatest deal.
Should you succeed in convincing your lady friend to just buy 'the fucking shoes', undoubtedly you'll find them cheaper in the last store you visit. It's known as the 'just fucking buy it paradox'.
Changing Rooms-
For a bloke it's unlikely you visit the changing room often, you know your size and generally you're good to go with that. Also we men use a much easier sizing guide of, small, medium, and large.
Women have a complex sizing system that makes absolutely no sense. To facilitate this mind boggling system they must try on all clothes, in multiple, unfathomable, sizes. You as the man must shuffle uncomfortably near the entrance waiting for your other half to parade said items.
Inexplicably meeting friends-
Women talk. Unfortunately this is a universal truth. It is more than likely that you will encounter at least one acquaintance in your local shopping centre.
No matter how tenuous their friendship they will manage to string out an enduring and lengthy conversation, about absolutely dick all. Sometimes this culminates in you being dragged to the nearest coffee shop. Whenever you try to interject with a witty anecdote, or funny joke, you will be stone walled.
That's why men hate shopping. Go on-line.
