Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Strange Guy Outfitters

Do you work in IT?

Do you know too much about the extended Star Wars/Trek universe?

Do you wish you were an elf?

Do you spend more time online than outside?

Are you aware of the existence of Games Workshop and their products?

Would you rather be on Pandora?

If you answered YES to the above and are looking for the threads that will make you a female humanoid magnet, then look no further!

At 'Strange Guy Outfitters' we stock all the latest fashion for the gent looking to impress on the rare occassions he ventures outside. Check out our bestsellers-

Full length leather coat-

Perfect for all occassions. Confound others as you wear this stylish perrenial whether rain or shine*. That's right, you also look like you're out of the matrix+!

*During summer months 'Strange Guy Outfitters' take no responsibility for overheating, or leather based aroma issues.

+ No you don't.

Shit kicking, leather boats, with killer heels, and random bits of metal-

The ultimate in footwear. These puppies will lend themselves to office wear, informal evenings out*, and special occassions. Made from leather specially tanned to be so dark, you'll never need to polish them. They are specially designed to say, 'Don't mess with me, I've got metal on my shoes'.

*if any.

Leather hat-

Looking for something to complete your ensemble? There is only one choice. It's the kind of hat a bush ranger, or cowboy might have worn. Functional for retaining heat, protecting against the elements, and avoiding glare, this will make you stand out in the sleepy surban streets*.

*or your bedroom.

Hair grease-

Real men wear it long, real long. To tame that mane you need a serious product. Luckily our hair grease is dual function as it also doubles as a heavy duty machine lubricant.

Look for our branches on your high street (if you know where it is), or visit us online.

The writer of this blog is taking part in a ludicrously long charity walk for Asthma UK. If you're feeling generous you can kindly sponsor him here.

By The Man Blog.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Double Meat

"Do you do double meat?"

My wife said this across the dinner table to my sister-in-law. She quickly realised what she had said as her face went red, and my sister-in-law started laughing.

This was not a deeply personal, inquistive, question as to the sexual habits of said sister-in-law, but rather the opener to a debate my wife and myself often have- Is more than one type of meat in a meal too much?

From the first time I've met my wife she has never managed to finish any meal containing double meat. Whether it be bacon on some chicken to an extra burger, she has to leave some element of the meal.

I on the other hand feel that the best accompaniment to meat is more meat. Preferably a complimentary variety, but more of the same is fine as well.

So it's clear to see the wife is very wrong here. Double meat is the way forward.

Here's some classic double meat combinations-

Pigs in blankets- For the uninitiated sausage wrapped in bacon. Individually sausage and bacon are excellent meat products. Combine them and suddenly an, as yet unexplained, reaction takes place. POW!!! Porky heaven. It's quite a conundrum, it's all pig, but put it together and you get pig 2.0.

Double burger- What could possibly make the humble burger any better? That's right bang in another burger. Also the burger can be improved by bacon, what is fast becoming the utility meat.

Chicken wrapped in bacon- Enter our utility meat again. This meat cocktail is the ultimate flavour sensation. The humble chicken transcends standard flavour with the addition of the ersine chameleon. It's also notable because as a sandwich this is breaded gold.

Double steak- During my university days I often atteneded a Monday night steak night at a local pub. Said steaks were ridiculous cheap, something like £3 for steak and chips. It was pretty basic. The first night a friend of mine joined us he immediately ordered two dinners, and scrapped them all onto one plate. He looked happy after, so I can't doubt that although hefty, double steak must be a winner.

The writer of this blog is taking part in a ludicrously long charity walk for Asthma UK. If you're feeling generous you can kindly sponsor him here.

By The Man Blog.

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