Thursday, 5 July 2012

BMW Drivers Are Dicks

This weeks blog has kindly been written by Alice. Amazingly another lady has decided to grace the Man Blog with their thoughts.

Luckily I'm open minded so have no problem with accepting posts from anyone. After all it saves me loads of time.

We've got quite a controversial post this time. If you don't agree, feel free to weigh in.....

BMW Drivers Are Dicks
bmw dislike

As a child I would often hear my Dad referring to BMW drivers as “idiots” (no doubt something more boorish when little ears were out of shot) and by rule, because as kids we believed everything our parents said, I would often repeat this mantra without any real understanding of what I was actually talking about. However now as a qualified driver I fully understand and appreciate the wise words of my old man. I admit that I suffer from road rage but it is the drivers of BMW’s that really grind my gears.  
There are 3 categories that these drivers fall into: The Company Car Drivers, The “I can afford to buy a BMW” Drivers and The Chav Drivers. Let me elaborate…

The Company Car Drivers:
05_Flatbed_2 - DECEMBER

We’ve all seen them; driving around in their brand new BMW’s, Bluetooth headset in, suit jacket hanging in the back seat window, Sat Nav perched in its cradle (or if they’re top dog, on a little screen by the cd player) and let’s face it, thinking their shit don’t stink. But we all know that the car isn’t actually theirs, it’s on loan to them as a perk of the job. You can guarantee that as you and your “Company Car Driver” friend are sitting in the pub they will bore you to death with the ins and outs of their BMW TwinPower Turbo four-cylinder in-line petrol engine and three spoke multi-function leather steering wheel.

It isn’t just their “I’m the dogs’ bollocks” attitude that defines them, it’s the way they drive their “beauties.” Due to the size of their cars they feel that they own the roads (all other road users should give way and priority to them). They are also so consumed by their business meeting via their Bluetooth that they drive like arseholes.

The “I can afford to buy a BMW” Drivers


This category is a slightly broader one, made up of two subcategories. 1- The midlife Crisis 2- Mums on the school run/WAG’s.

1- The midlife Crisis:

Ok, so you’ve got a bit of money in the bank and you want to treat yourself to a new car, an Audi? A Mercedes? Maybe even a Jag? No, they choose a BMW. Why I hear you ask well let me explain. The sort of people that I have come across that personally own a BMW are the type of people that are in their 50’s that think they’re still in their 30’s, a midlife crisis some may say. They think their new wheels make them look “cool” and the other cars listed above don’t quite cut it.

2- Mums on the school run/WAG’s:
BMV 4x4

Some women feel they need a 4x4, big engined car (in black or silver with obligatory tinted windows) to drop off their one child to the local school that is within a 5 minute walking distance. These said women will then travel to the local supermarket and park across two parking bays. The preferred vehicle of choice is the BMW X5. Although they will possess no knowledge about their car they will choose it for status amongst the other mums at the school gates and fellow WAG’s.

When it comes to driving, both of these groups drive like dickheads, whether it’s parking right outside the school gates or with the roof down, wearing Ray Bans, a leather jacket and chinos at the grand old age of 50.

The Chav Drivers
Chav BMV

Got a clapped out BMW for sale? Get it on Gumtree and wait for the local chav/boy racer to come knocking. These cars seem to be particular favourites for your council estate residents (I think it’s the name that does it). These BMW owners are probably the worst offenders of the bunch. Careless driving- check. Added spoiler- check. Tinted windows- check. Staffy sat on passenger seat- check and last but not least a thick gold chain, greasy mulletesque hairstyle and Nikey trainers- check. You will find these people gathered at local industrial estates on a Friday evening standing around admiring their cars. They will speed away from these “meets” as fast as possible and with as much tyre screeching as possible. Needless to say that these people are dicks.

And there you have it, proof that BMW drivers are indeed Dicks.
If you have read any of this and thought to yourself “I don’t agree with that” it’s probably because you are one of the many BMW drivers out there…

Well, there you go. It's safe to say that Alice isn't a fan of BMWs or their drivers. I'd like to add that this stereotypical attitude seems to have spread to a lot of German made cars. I will also add that most of the time it's not the car, it's the driver. After all a prick in a BMW, is still a prick.

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